


the serpent and the badger

by CallofTheCurlew



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Harry Potter Crossover - Freeform, M/M, PhandomFicFests Bingo Challenge, hufflepuff!phil, slytherin!Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 10:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallofTheCurlew/pseuds/CallofTheCurlew
Summary: Dan's getting a late night snack in the kitchens, when a certain Hufflepuff crosses his path.





	the serpent and the badger

The kitchens are cool, and the light is dim. Despite the time (well after curfew), more than half a dozen house-elves scurry through the room, preparing for tomorrow’s breakfast. Dan oftens wonders when they get time to sleep, but none of them seem to be unhappy. They potter around, most of them laughing and chattering as they work.  It was always easy to tell which house-elves are new – the quiet and scared ones, watching their backs for the Headmaster to come and scold them for any number of things. It never happens and never will, but the pressures of their previous employment clearly have them scared.

“Another snack, Master Howell?” Elya was Dan’s favourite house-elf. She had seniority over the other house elves by at least twenty or so years, and her kind eyes and motherly demeanor often had Dan thinking of his own mother.

According to her, she had looked after Dan’s grandfather when he attended Hogwarts. In fact, she’d looked after all of the students in the Howell line and it hadn’t seemed to surprise her when she caught Dan poking around the kitchens as a second year student. Now, he was almost like an honoured guest. None of the elves questioned him anymore, at least, so perhaps she had put in a good word for him.

“Thank you Elya,” Dan smiles, accepting the small cake she holds out to him.

He perches on the edge of the Slytherin table, duplicate to the one above in the Great Hall and accepts the spoon as well. She smiles, accustomed and flattered by the pleasantries of the students and only happy to accommodate their growling stomachs in the middle of the night. Dan often wonders what would happen if a student came in without the respect for the house elves. Would they be obligated to serve them? Or would they refuse to help?

A rustling behind the door interrupts his thoughts and sends Dan’s stomach plummeting in fear. It sounds like the tickling of the pear, but surely it isn’t a professor? It is later than he’s usually here because he couldn’t get past one of the ghosts. Dan isn’t in his bed - it’s well after hours, and getting caught means detention…

He holds his cake close as he hops off the table, hastily scooting into a shadowy section of the kitchens, near the fridges. Elya catches his gaze with a small smile, but Dan just crouches worriedly. He didn’t mind getting a detention – not really – but he’s nearing his quota.

When the door finally opens, Dan relaxes. It’s just another student - most likely a Hufflepuff with those black and yellow pyjamas. Dan didn’t recognise him, so he must be a year or so above him – he’s tall and lanky, with dyed dark hair that falls chaotically around his head like a mane. Dan’s eyes narrow at his brilliant smile, watching as the boy greets a few house elves by name as he enters like it isn’t the first time.

The boy doesn’t move closer to his end of the room and Dan relaxes, momentarily put out at the thought of a Slytherin hiding from a Hufflepuff. But he knew that it wasn’t really the right way to think - it was a thought dictated by being a product of his Slytherin cohort, and not one that he actually thinks in reality. He’s a Slytherin, but that doesn’t mean anything. He still gets scared, he still has thoughts and feelings, and he’s sensitive, no matter what the other houses think. And Hufflepuffs are people too, and they can be brave and clever and cunning and sly just as much as anyone else.

This student seems to fit the Hufflepuff mould pretty well though. He’s enthusiastic, wide-eyed and exuberant even at two in the morning. Dan watches him speaking animatedly to the house elves that have come to greet him, but he isn’t loud enough for Dan to catch his words.

Dan huffs quietly. Student or not, Dan didn’t really want to reveal that he was hiding, or in the kitchens late at night. So he stays behind a fridge for an hour. He manages to shift until he’s sitting instead of crouching, so his legs aren’t quite as sore as they could’ve been. He quietly eats his cake, and listens to this boy - this boy from the Northern England, he thinks, judging by that accent - talk to the elves. It’s funny - Dan didn’t really ever chat to them the way this boy seems to. He’s friendly and polite, and asks about their lives and their feelings while he eats.

And then finally, he waves them all goodbye before leaving, presumably to head back to his room. 

When Dan is sure he’s gone, he hauls himself up from the floor. His butt aches and his back is cold, but he’ll be in bed soon, so it doesn’t matter.

“Who was that?” he asks Elya.

“Mr. Phillip,” she replies, taking his empty plate.

“Is he here often?”

“Almost as often as you are. I wondered if you’d ever cross paths…”

Dan’s mouth twists curiously, but it’s  _late_ , and he needs to get some sleep before classes tomorrow.  He thanks her, before cautiously making his way back to the Slytherin dorms, the Hufflepuff on his mind.

~

The next night, Dan is in the kitchens at his usual time.

Throughout the day, he’d kept an eye out for the lanky Hufflepuff with the shaggy hair, but- well, Hogwarts is large.

He doesn’t expect Phil to be in the kitchens when he gets there, but he kind of hopes anyway - despite the knowledge that Phil apparently comes much later. It’s not that he’s like, stalking the other kid. He just…

Well, Dan doesn’t actually have a good excuse. He just got curious, after listening to him ramble for an hour. Who wouldn’t? He was a Hufflepuff though, and not that it mattered, but still. Social stigmas still kind of mattered to Dan.

It wasn’t like he was a popular Slytherin. He had a few friends in his classes, so he was never left without a potions partner, but it’s not like talking to a Hufflepuff would ‘damage his rep’ or whatever. He wasn’t really sure how it worked here, even four years into his studies. His muggle schooling was just bullies and reputations. Here it didn’t seem to matter that much, but that was mostly because the houses didn’t interact. They had some shared classes, of course, but even then they didn’t really mingle.

“You’re late, Daniel,” Elya says, snapping Dan from his thoughts.

“Sorry,” he said, getting to his feet, “Must’ve been lost in thought.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” she smiles kindly, “But Phil will be along soon, and you seemed intent on avoiding him last time.”

Dan doesn’t mean to blush but he can feel his face heating, and he gives the house elf an awkward laugh, “Yeah. I thought I was the only person who came down here…”

“There are different students at different times of the year. Exams make some of them stress eat,” she smiles widely, “But none like yourself and Mr. Phillip.”

Dan nods a little, but now he’s conscious of just how long he’s been here. He finishes the bowl of pretzels Elya had given him, stretching a little, content with how tired he feels.

The scratching behind the door makes him freeze, and he can’t seem to do anything but stand there in shock, watching the door swing open.

Phil sees him and he too freezes, mouth dropping open in surprise. 

“Oh,” he says, and Dan is ready to apologise, but Phil beats him to it, “Sorry about this! I didn’t expect to see anyone here. Do you want privacy - I can go back to bed?”

Dan isn’t sure what he was expecting from their first encounter, but it wasn’t this. Clearly overthinking it for a day had done awful things to his mind.

“Uh, no,”  Eloquent and confident, as always, “Nah, I was just leaving. Sorry.”  

The Hufflepuff’s smile is as bright as the crest on his pyjamas, as if this wasn’t actually against the rules and they were chatting in the Great Hall, “No problem! Sorry for scaring you,” he says, holding the door open so Dan can slide past.

He smells like cinnamon and something vaguely fruity, and Dan can’t help but breathe a little deeper as he slides past. Phil doesn't seem intent on making it any easier for him to move so he ends up brushing against him, offering him a tight smile.

“Have a good sleep!”

Dan’s stomach flips pleasantly but he’s not sure why, smiling a little more genuinely now, “You too.”

~

Dan doesn’t see Phil for another two nights. He’s been getting tired earlier and has to bail. But the third night, he lingers. Just in case.

At exactly two in the morning, the door swings open, and Phil looks pleasantly surprised to see Dan.

“You again,” he says happily, unfazed as he heads to the fridges, humming thoughtfully.

“Yeah,” Dan murmurs. He’s not sure why he thought this was a good idea. He didn’t usually actively seek out other people for company.

He watches Phil rummage, returning with pudding in a bowl and finding himself a spoon.

“What’s your name?” he asks, after he puts a large scoop into his mouth.

Dan doesn’t mean to find it oddly charming, but he does anyway, “Dan.”

“Nice name. I’m Phil.” 

“I know.”

Oh, the floor could have swallowed Dan whole and he wouldn’t have minded.

But Phil doesn’t seem to think it’s creepy, giving him an amused look, “You know me?”

“Oh, the- um, house-elves mentioned it.”

Phil’s eyes light with understanding, “Oh good. For a second I was worried we were in the same year and I’ve just been blanking on your face the entire five years I’d been here.”

Dan shakes his head and lets out a soft laugh, even though it’s not really funny, “No, no. I’m a fourth year, if that helps.”

“Oooh,” Phil nods, “And… Slytherin, right?”

Dan’s not wearing anything remotely green, his face scrunching as he frowns, “How did you-

“I’ve got a gift,” he beams proudly, “I reckon I could understudy the Sorting Hat if he had to like, go and get married or something.”

He’s a strange one, Dan has to admit. But he’s also devastatingly cute and Dan’s unimpressed by how quickly this crush developed.

“I’m a Hufflepuff, obviously,” he gestures to his pants.

A Hufflepuff. Dan frowns a little. The difference between the houses is all the Slytherins ever spoke about… and maybe he was a little influenced by it. Being muggle-born, from a family that didn’t appreciate you (especially not when they found out you were a wizard), it was easy to buy into the “your house is your family” line. For his first three years, Dan barely spoke to any non-Slytherins. It wasn’t that he really believed they were elite… but social stigmas were hard to let go of.

“Yeah,” Dan finally murmurs, swinging his legs.

“Are you okay, Dan from Slytherin?” Phil has his head back in the fridge. His voice is slightly muffled but Dan likes the title.

“Fine,” he says, frowning a little.

“You got all sad.”

Dan is pretty sure his eyebrows hit his hairline, but Phil isn’t there to see the judgement on his face. How could he know how he felt, after less than ten minutes in the room with him?

“Um, I’m fine. Thanks,” he says, kicking his legs again, “What are you even trying to find back there?”

“I was just seeing if they had any more sandwiches. The ones they had at lunch were so good I’ve been thinking about them all day.”

Dan’s smiling again, “The little roast beef ones?”

“Yes! But they had this weird sauce in them and I thought I was going to hate it because it had those weird little red bits in it but then it was so good and now I kind of just want to fill every meal with that sauce.”

Damn, he talks. He just doesn’t seem to stop, and Dan just sits there, amused and kind of endeared by this sweet Hufflepuff.

“I think it’s sweet and sour,” Dan finally says when Phil has a chance to breathe.

“Sweet  _and_  sour?” he questions, his face lighting up again. If he’s not careful, that smile would light up Dan’s cold dark cavern of a heart.

“Mr Philip…”

Elya stands at the door to- well, Dan isn’t quite sure what that door leads to. He assumes it’s more kitchens, since there doesn’t seem to be any ovens or places for cooking in this room. She has a plate of sandwiches in her hand, with orange sauce with red dots and Phil looks so happy he might faint.

“Oh Elya, you truly are the woman of my dreams,”

At those words, every fibre of Dan’s being crumples and drops straight to his feet. It leaves his body and sinks so far into the ground he doesn’t know if he’ll ever recover it again. He can’t even think of anything witty to say, when Phil turns around and gives him an expectant look, before his eyes widen in surprise. 

“Oh,” Phil giggles, “That would’ve been funnier if you knew I didn’t like girls,” he says sheepishly, “It’s kind of- it’s like a recurring joke in my year? Most people crack a joke about loving female house-elves.”

Dan’s going to have a heart attack from how many emotions he’s going through, and he manages a weak smile, still recovering from the shock. He hadn’t meant to feel so gutted, and he can’t really understand the elation that comes from the actual truth. What a night.

“Oh,” he manages.

Phil looks embarrassed now and Dan would do anything to wipe that look from his face.

“Hey um, speaking of jokes,” he says, his mouth running away from him, “Do you, like, cop any shit for being a Hufflepuff?”

At Phil’s stunned expression, he realises that the question was fairly out of the blue.

“Well, I mean. A bit, in first year,” he replies slowly, “But once you get to fifth year nobody actually cares. There’s a bit of taunting about the house cup but once you graduate, your house isn’t even that important unless you come back here to be a teacher? But I reckon I’d have been disowned if I was in any other house. Both parents and my older brother were put in Hufflepuff,” he says proudly, “But you must get like, flak from being a Slytherin too, right?”

It’s an interesting perspective, and it has Dan teetering on the edge of dark thoughts. He hasn’t thought about how his house might impact him in the future- and maybe Phil was right. Would it really matter once he was looking for a job in the Wizarding World?

“Yes? No?”

“Sorry,” Dan replies, still trying to chase his last thoughts before shaking his head, “Not really. Nobody really talks to Slytherins.”

Phil looks surprised, “Really? In my year, we’re all really close. We all study together. Doesn’t matter which house you’re in.”

Dan’s heart tugs painfully at just how nice that sounds, and his mouth twists in thought, “Slytherins hate Hufflepuffs,”

Phil looks like he’s judging now, and Dan wants to eat his words and crawl into a pit. He wasn’t sure why he said it; maybe he just wanted confirmation that it was all a prefabricated lie.

“Do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you. I just met you.”

Phil nods, “So you’re generalising. You’re working under the impression that all Slytherins are the same. Maybe you’re not a whole Slytherin. Who are your parents?”

Dan can feel his face heating, “Muggles. I mean. My biological Dad was a- a Gryffindor, I think, but- I wasn't raised by him.”

When he first told the other guys in his room, they’d laughed.  _What’s a Slytherin without a bloodline to brag about?_

Phil doesn’t miss a beat, “Ah, ah- so you came from the muggle world. You lived in a world where you weren’t divided into four stereotypes- weren’t aware that those four stereotypes even existed. The Sorting Hat takes us at eleven years old, and tries to put us in a box, that doesn’t necessarily reflect everything that makes us us. Which means you’re really just the product of your surroundings. I can see a bit of Gryffindor in you, Dan. A Slytherdor, if you will.”

“Gryffindor?” Dan asks, incredulous.

“Brave. Which is why you’re in the kitchens past curfew.”

“Uh, I’m in the kitchens past curfew because I’m hungry, thanks. And isn’t breaking the rules technically a Slytherin trait?”

Phil shrugs, “Don’t question my logic. It makes sense up to a point.”

Dan can’t help but listen to him, and even believe him. He isn’t the same guy he was at eleven years old, that’s for sure. Was he brave? Dan doesn’t know, but… he somehow always felt like Slytherin mightn’t’ve been the house for him.  

“What are you then?”

“Oh no,” Phil shakes his head, “I’m undoubtedly everything a Hufflepuff stands for.” he giggles for a moment, “I mean I’d like to say I’m brave like a Gryffindor, but I think my closest other house would probably be Ravenclaw.”

“Smart?”

“Not smart, but clever. I’m analytical,” he explains, “I kind of- I think of things differently. A lot. And sometimes not in good ways.”

“I can see that,” Dan says, but he’s not being unkind. He likes talking to Phil.

He waits for Phil to launch into another fun rant when an enormous yawn takes over his entire face, and Phil’s whole face crumples.

“Oh, I’ve bored you, haven’t I? I’m so sorry…”

“No, no!” Dan’s trying to reassure him before he’s even finished his yawn, “No, I wanna talk more. I’m just tired, I promise.”

Phil gives him a dubious look, “Alright,” he murmurs.

“Okay, how about we meet up tomorrow? In the daylight.” Dan isn’t sure why he feels he needs to repent for his yawn, but then suddenly feels self conscious about his bold invitation.

Luckily, Phil only gives him that radiant grin, “Sure. That sounds great!”

“Okay,” Dan nods, “I’ll meet you in the Great Hall after breakfast?”

Phil nods back at him, and then suddenly they’re just nodding at each other and smiling and Dan’s stomach swoops.

“Well, um,” he mutters, “Um, did you know in the muggle world, there’s a type of cream cheese that has sweet and sour sauce on it?”

Phil immediately makes a face, which isn’t the reaction Dan was expecting. He’s more concerned that Phil doesn’t question his topic choice, but that’s another thing altogether.

“I hate cheese.”

“What? How can you hate cheese?” Dan asks, appalled, “That’s beside the point though - it’s not really cheese. It’s cream cheese. Taste and texture are completely different.”

Phil looks skeptical, “Sounds cheesy to me. And like, I don’t hate cheese altogether. I hate cheese on it’s own. Like a block or a circle of it. Cheese on pizza is okay. Or lasagna - my mother makes the best lasagna in the world. She makes it every Summer I’m home. Do you like lasagna?”

If he says lasagna one more time, Dan might crack.

“Yeah, it’s alright,” he says, even though he loves lasagna.

“Oh, god, you haven’t had lasagna until you’ve tried my Mum’s. You’ll have to- what are you doing this Summer?”

Well. Everything went from zero to a hundred so quickly, and Dan can’t catch up. 

“Uh-”

“That was way too forward, I’m so sorry,” Phil cuts over the top of him, eyes wide and almost panicked, “Sorry, I just- I like you. You’re cool, Dan. And I want to hang out with you more.”  

Dan just stares, impressed and scared.

“Maybe  _you_ area bit of a Gryffindor,” Dan finally manages to say, “I don’t know anyone else who would invite a stranger ‘round to their house the first time they’ve met.”

Phil’s panicky eyes have calmed and he smiles sheepishly, but it’s a nice smile, “Kind of doesn’t feel like we’ve just met though. Are you the same, or- or am I just a bit eager?”

Dan’s heart doesn’t stop fluttering and he ducks his head, unable to take Phil’s earnest gaze anymore.

“Yeah. You’re a bit eager,” he says gently, before giving him a gentle smile, “But I guess that makes me a bit eager too.”

The warmth of Phil’s smile is really going to ruin him, but Dan doesn’t really mind anymore.

He watches as Phil takes another sandwich, shoving the whole tiny triangle into his mouth before sighing contently, “Okay,” he murmurs, “I need to stop eating these or I’ll be a whale in the morning.”

“It’s already morning.” Dan murmurs back absently, and Phil glares.

“When I wake up then,” he corrects, “Although I don’t see how I’m going to get any sleep,” he huffs, “My head is going to hit the pillow and then it will be time for breakfast.”

“You just had like fifty sandwiches. You can’t be hungry still….”

“I need sustenance to get me through each day,” Phil says happily, taking another sandwich just to prove a point.

Dan rolls his eyes fondly, but Phil’s right - they aren’t going to sleep much tonight if they don’t immediately leave the kitchens. He huffs, stalling, because honestly leaving Phil right now sounds like the worst idea anyone has had in the history of the world.

Maybe one reason for that is about what’s going to happen once they leave the kitchens. Was this all just talk? Maybe Phil doesn’t actually want to hang out with him. Maybe he was just being nice, in the same way that customer service assistants and phone operators had to be - offering you false promises so that you were more inclined to buy their product. Dan wasn’t sure what Phil was selling… but he wanted to buy it, that was for sure.

“Oy, did you like, go somewhere?” Phil’s voice has moved and Dan snaps back. He’s at the door, watching Dan with what seems to be mild concern.

“Oh, just...thinking, I guess.”

Phil nods, “A dangerous pastime,” he says, and it sounds like he’s quoting someone - his mum, probably, “You can tell me all about those thoughts tomorrow?”

Warmth blooms in Dan’s chest again and he nods, “Yeah. Alright.”

Phil gives him another award-winning smile before he disappears out of the door, and it takes another few moments for Dan to collect himself, smiling now himself.

Maybe being friends with a Hufflepuff isn’t going to be as bad as everyone says.

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [this fic](https://callofthecurlew.tumblr.com/post/178522290285/the-serpent-and-the-badger) on Tumblr?  
> As always, thank you to [alyciaclebnam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyciaclebnam/works) who gave this a read-over because it's been 900 years since I stepped foot in the HP fandom.


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